8 Ways To Navigate Holiday Grief
The holiday season is a time for twinkling lights, yummy meals, laughter with our loved ones - ya know - warmth, love, and celebration. Or is it? If you’ve experienced a loss of any kind or know someone who has, I’m sure you’ve noticed navigating your grief during the holidays can be a complex and sorrowful experience. For those in the later group, I’ve heard it described as something to “get through,” the “dark times,” anything but warmth. The holidays can magnify grief and loss emotions. The sadness becomes more sad and the loneliness can feel more lonely and isolating.
I’ve heard clients talk about feeling guilty and conflicted when they experienced moments of joy and celebration while also not wanting to participate or feeling guilty for enjoying themselves. Totally normal.
Grief is a complicated, complex emotion. It’s experienced differently from person to person and is something you must learn to incorporate into your life rather than avoid it. If this is the first holiday season after your loss, it’s normal to feel an increased intensity of grief emotions or you may be surprised by a totally new emotion you’ve never experienced. When this happens, you feel overwhelmed or out of control.. Experiencing these feelings in a world of sugar plum fairies, “perfect families” and bright lights can be fucking weird and incredibly challenging.
And that’s okay! You can learn how to carry your grief in a way that minimizes total control over your life and a way that makes it just a little bit easier for you to get through. Read below to find out how.
Acknowledge Your Emotions
It’s important to to acknowledge all the emotions that arise during the holidays. Our emotions do not take a pause during this time and it may seem easy to repress and avoid the emotions (ESPECIALLY if this if your go-to coping mechanism). All emotions are normal and okay and you most likely will experience both the difficult AND the more positive emotions.
Incorporating “AND” language around your emotions can help create space for both difficult and positive feelings. You don’t have to choose one or the other. You can miss someone or a time before AND still enjoy a holiday celebration. Allow yourself the space to feel whatever emotions surface without judgment or pressure to "be okay."
Honor Memories and Old Traditions
Find ways to honor your loved one's memory or a time before that doesn’t exist anymore. It is a helpful way to keep memories present. Create a scrapbook, write a letter, or volunteer for a cause they cherished. Engaging in acts of remembrance can be a beautiful way to keep their spirit alive during the holidays.
Redefine and Create New Traditions
Consider redefining or creating new traditions to honor your loved one's memory. Whether it's lighting a candle in remembrance, preparing their favorite dish, or revisiting places that hold sentimental value, incorporating elements that pay homage to them can be comforting. This can be an incredibly healing process and a reminder that your loved one would want you to experience joys.
Set Boundaries with people and events
Amidst invitations and festivities, it's totally acceptable to set boundaries. You have the autonomy to choose how you spend your time and participate in what feels right for you and not participate in something if it does not feel right. It's perfectly alright to decline certain gatherings or leave early if you feel overwhelmed. Prioritize your well-being.
Find a balance between engaging in activities and honoring your own boundaries. It might make it easier for you if you when you commit to something, while reminding yourself that you have the freedom to leave at any point. It's completely acceptable to opt-out of certain obligations entirely. By giving yourself permission to prioritize your own well-being, you can navigate celebrations with minimized guilt.
If you need help setting boundaries, check out this post.
Accept Flexibility
Grieving doesn't adhere to a schedule. Understand that your emotions might fluctuate unpredictably. Allow yourself the grace to modify plans or traditions based on how you feel in the moment without feeling guilty.
Utilize Self-care and Coping Skills Around Grief
Engage in activities that nurture your well-being. It can be helpful to work with a friend or a therapist to identify your favorite coping skills in advance to use when the grief hits unexpectedly and put them in a place that are easily acceptable. whether it's practicing mindfulness, journaling, exercising, listening to music or simply taking moments for yourself amidst the chaos.
Volunteer/Do Something Charitable
Volunteering can offer a sense of purpose. Helping others can help you process your own in a healthy way and bring remembrance of the ones you’ve lost while bringing joy into someone else’s life. Altruism supports the community and aids in the healing process by finding meaning.
If you’re local, here’s a helpful list of ways to volunteer in Austin.
Embrace Personal Healing
Healing from grief is a very personal process. There's no timeline or rulebook for the grief process which for some can be frustrating and unnerving. Be patient and compassionate with yourself and allow yourself the all the time needed for your own personal healing.
Seek Support and Professional Help
You don’t have to do it alone. Reach out to friends, family, or local support groups. Sharing your thoughts and feelings with others can offer a some sense of stability or moments of peace. If grief significantly impacts your daily life or if you're finding it hard to cope, consider seeking out help from a therapist who can offer tailored guidance and support to help you navigate the holidays and throughout the year, if needed.
Bottom Line
Navigating grief during the holiday season can be overwhelming. Remember, there's no right or wrong way to grieve and your process is unique to just you. Allow yourself the grace to grieve in your own way and remember, you're not alone. It’s okay seek support and take breaks when needed. Be kind to yourself and take it all one day and one cup of eggnog at a time
Therapy can help
If you feel like you’re getting stuck along the way or want more guided support, it may be time to seek a consultation with a therapist. Contact Real Well Therapy here or call 512-686-7009.
Want to learn more about how anxiety therapy can help you? Click here!
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Disclaimer: the information provided in this blog post is for educational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice or a substitute for professional consultation. If you are experiencing emotional distress, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional.
